I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
