I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
