He is an equal opportunity slut.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
