I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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