Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
