you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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