3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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