I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
