I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
