i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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