Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
