I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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