Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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