he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
