Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
