Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
