i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
