Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
