I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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