I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
