i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
