I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Damn victory sex feels great
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
