Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
