Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
