I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
