I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
