Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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