a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
