We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
