from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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