My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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