My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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