He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
