you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
