I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
