i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
