Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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