So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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