Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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