i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
