I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
