Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
