i think i scared a bird with my dick
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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