forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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