i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm like, not good at living.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
