i don't like sucking hair
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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