after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
