I feel great
I just peed on a car
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
