the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
