we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
