Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
